I CHOOSE To Be Different

Disclaimer: If you're easily offended, just click that little red X right now, because you might not wanna read this.  This is MY blog and MY thoughts.

I'm tired of being the same as everyone else, or at least being expected to be the same.  .

Here's a list of things that I think make me different:

I call "God" by the name Yahweh, Abba, Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Rapha, etc.  Those are the 4 names I call him most.  Oh, by the way, I've had it with calling him "God" just because the majority of people don't know who Yahweh or Abba are.  Yeah, I'm not gonna do that anymore.

I call "Jesus" by the name Yeshua most of the time.  In church, when singing songs that say Jesus, I sing Yeshua instead.

My family and I don't celebrate the world's or even the church's "easter" and "christmas" anymore.  We don't think that those holidays have anything to do with Yeshua.  They've been adopted from worldly ideals and they don't fit our view of who He is to us.  Oh and we don't typically go to church on those days either, simply so we can avoid those things we don't agree with. Since many of my church family might read this, let me add another disclaimer: It has nothing to do with the church we've joined our lives with, it has everything to do with our personal convictions on the matter.  We believe each person must follow their own convictions and I swear, we have no ill thoughts towards our church or church family for observing these holidays.  We LOVE our church family just as they are.

We try, at all costs, to eat organically, which seems to offend some people and I have no idea why.  We drink raw milk that comes straight from a cow and goes directly into a jug and I pay $6 a gallon for it.  Our meat costs more too.  Some people feel the need to tell me they won't pay those prices.  Ok, that's great.  3 years ago, I would have choked if you had told me I'd be paying $6 for a gallon of milk or that I wouldn't even dream of buying chicken from a grocery store. How do MY food choices affect you in any way, shape or form? 

Here's probably the biggest one that most don't like......we dropped our health insurance and we don't use any kinds of medications.  What I'm about to say probably WILL offend you if you're not of this mindset, but I'm actually gonna say something here that I've heard my own Pastor say recently (or similar, anyway).  We, as a society, are depending far too much on modern medicine and doctors than we are on Yahweh.  We look to and worship the M.D. that writes our prescriptions and cuts us open.  We feel hopeless and doomed if he/she doesn't have an answer for us.  We REJECT the fact that the proper foods and readjusting our thinking can heal us far better than ANY medicine ever will.  I've had my share of health concerns.  I have some issues that I've had for over 2 years right now and I haven't seen a doctor even once for this issue.  I have another issue that I, at one time, trusted a doctor for and he couldn't fix it, so I am STILL believing in God.  I'm not going to put some man made "medicine" into my body.  If someone doesn't like that, I'm not sure what to tell you. Like my grandma likes to say "I think that's a personal problem".

Ah, how could I forget this one.......we are homeschoolers.  No, we are unschoolers.  Ack, I hate the word "school" in reference to what we do because we most certainly do NOT do "school".  How about this?  We live our lives and we learn while we're doing it.  I'm not the "norm" among those who have removed their children from school to educate them at home.  I go against the grain.  This works for us.  My children are learning.  They probably aren't learning at the rate YOU think they should be.  They aren't on "grade level".  I personally think they're BEYOND grade level by MY standards.  I don't compare them to anyone else anymore.  I refuse to do that.  Oh and they aren't in a grade, period.  We've tried over the years to assign a grade to my children just so that when asked, people would be satisfied with the answer.  Yeah, I'm not doing that anymore either.   Ask them how old they are.  What does it matter what "grade" they would have been in.  It's irrelevant. 

Another controversial thing that makes me weird.....I actually believe in, and practice, SUBMISSION as a wife.  *gasp* Yeah, I'm not even going to go there.  If you wanna know what that means, just ask me.

 Seriously this is just a short list of things that make me different.  I'm done being a slave to society's ideals.  I don't do things like anyone else I know.  I'm different because Yahweh made me different and I trust Him enough to believe that's good enough.

I have also had issues with people I care very much about thinking that I'm judging them or looking down on them because things I do are different from them.  Please don't think that about me.  If you truly knew my heart, you would know that I am not that way at all.  On every one of these issues I shared, I have been the total opposite at one point in time.  I have walked a different path, one you yourself may now be on.  That doesn't mean I think your path sucks, it just means, I don't want to walk that way anymore.  Please don't read anything into my choices other than THEY ARE MY CHOICES.

I CHOOSE to be different and I think that's alright. :)

He makes all things new

Even me? Wow, if I truly believe that, then I have some heart work to do here.

I have been overweight for most of my life with the exception of a period of about, oh 2 years or so, which started at the end of my Senior year in high school. My slimness continued until about 6 months after my first child was born.

I have battled the bulge and at times not even cared about the bulge. I have lost lots of weight and gained lots of weight, trying all of the various diets out there.

I'm going to tell you that it's not about the diet. It's about filling a void in my life. I'll get back to that in a minute.

It's not about avoiding a certain food. I don't care what any health expert says. I don't think food is bad. I think we make food bad. I'm bombarded right now with information that sugar is bad for you, don't eat it in any way, shape or form. Period. I've bought into this recently, but the other day I was whoa..um, sugar cane is something that grows naturally, right? I mean, man didn't make it. SO, if I believe God created everything, which I do, then I have to believe that God created sugar. Ok, I will give you this....man has messed it up. We've chemically processed and genetically modified so many things that were originally meant to be consumed in a different way. SO....I'm not going to go out and buy a 5 lb bag of white processed C&H sugar or whatever brand you want to buy. No, I don't think I'm going to consume that. However, if I want something sugary every now and then, I'm no longer going to beat myself up. ha! How's that?

Then there's meats and milk, veggies, etc. I do try to buy and consume the cleanest varieties of those things. I love buying locally grown food. I don't buy meat from the store anymore. Ugh, sorry that's just gross. I buy meat from a local dairy farmer. My husband swears that the hamburgers are the best he's ever tasted. He is the hamburger connoisseur if you must know. LOL My husband is a basic meat and potatoes kind of guy so he would know! I buy raw milk and butter, yep raw...it's good. We've been drinking it for 2 years and no one has gotten sick. So ha, how's that? ;)

Veggies I prefer from my garden or from someone local. I don't like pesticides, don't think they should be used on foods and so I steer clear if I can.

I make my own bread most of the time from freshly ground wheat flour too. Yeah, I think we eat pretty healthful.

So, why the heck am I looking at a fat woman in the mirror? See, I told you it wasn't about the diet. It's about the void....and filling it, over and over and over. People who eat a healthful diet can still be fat. You know why? Because they eat too much! There, I said it. I eat too much. I love the way food tastes and it's fun.

What void am I filling? The one where Yeshua Messiah should be. I've been a Christ follower since I was 10 years old, so 30 years now. I've been thinking a lot about how much I want Him and how much I know He wants me. I think about Him all the time, I adore Him, I worship Him, but yet, the loneliness, the sadness and the despair I often feel is somehow filled up with food more than the living water of Christ. I have a lot of pondering to do on this.

For me, it's really not about the diet, I've got that one going on. No diet, no special exercise equipment, no surgery can fix me and make me slimmer. I've got to fall on my face, daily....and fill my heart with HIM. He and I are on a lifelong journey here. He wants to be my everything and I think I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm ready to let Him be what He wants to be in my life.

Yeshua....I love you......I want my life to glorify you. Not just my words, not just my actions, but the body you've given me. I don't want to feed my body more than I feed my spirit. I give up and I lay that down at your feet. I humbly lay all I am before you. My heart has been yours for the majority of my life. Today I give you my body.

Hallelujah! I think I've just been set free!