BLAH!

I'm having too many emotions right now not to blog about it. I find this is certainly the best form of therapy for me. This is a vent post, that's all it is. No sunshine and roses and nothing I'm thankful for. I really need to get this stuff off my chest, so here it goes.

This is going to sound very unlike me, but I'm so disappointed in the garden right now. Very little joy has come this year from this garden and right now I just want it to be done. I am having very little go right in the garden this year and it's just not enjoyable. First my organic heirloom seeds that I purchased and spent a pretty penny on were a huge flop. I wrote the company about it and they seemed surprised. They said their seeds always receive rave reviews. Oh ok, well, I'm not happy. They offered around a 50% refund but I declined. I just didn't even want to deal with it. So I ended up finding organic seeds at our local farm/feed store. Could have saved myself a LOT of trouble if I would have tried there in the first place. Those seeds didn't even do all that well, but ah, whatever, right?

Then we have the grass that grows so beautifully in my garden despite my efforts to thwart it. Wish my grass was that beautiful in my front yard. Not to mention bugs galore in varieties I've never seen before. I honestly think that has to do with the organic veggies though. Conventional seeds have GOT to have something sprayed on them, they must.

Add that to the fact that our pool has been the worst pain in the behind this Summer. The algae has attacked the bottom and I can't remove it. It is STUCK like super glue to the bottom. The water, on the other hand is BEAUTIFUL....clear as glass. But it's gross to see the bottom coated with algae and I really don't want to swim in that. I'm thinking of getting rid of the pool all together. What a chore that would be to take that thing down, not to mention the beautiful deck that is cemented into the ground....*sigh* I guess it's really not something we can take apart, so I have to deal with it. Looks like if we want to swim, we're gonna have to get a new liner AGAIN. Just did that 2 years ago.

The AC repairs were well worth it, but zapped our bank account big time and I have been struggling just to buy groceries the past few weeks. To those reading, don't worry.....the kids are eating just fine, the house payment is current and the utilities are all on. I just said it was a struggle. My kids don't go without. I've had some hint to me that our AC wasn't a priority. I honestly don't give a rat's behind what other people think.

I've also been told that my personality is harsh. I'm still chewing on that. I think this further cements in my mind that all I want to do is move to a place in the country where no one knows where I'm at and where no one has to interact with me. I am not meant to live among others for some reason. I'm damaged goods. For a long time I've tried REALLY hard to fit in and make people like me. I don't know why I bother anymore. Then there's the ones who say they like me, but don't know my innermost feelings/views. I have a feeling I would lose a lot of friends if only they truly knew me, but God knows me and that's all I need to care about.

I think I'm done......I feel like I just threw up. You know how you feel once you do that? Better, yes......but then the next wave of nausea hits. I am so ready to be done feeling this way.