Ok, so I haven't always been a bad wife. I haven't always nagged him and been hard to live with. There was a time in our marriage when I was quite an awesome wife, in fact. But let's move forward from that and talk about when I wasn't a good wife.
The last 2 years have been the most difficult of our 18 years together. We found ourselves in a dire financial situation and he was out of a job that he'd had for 18 years. We had no money, a lot of debt and I quite frankly didn't understand any of it. I started pulling back from everything and every one. I spent a lot of time crying in my bedroom. I nagged Greg when he was here and I nagged him via text and phone calls when he wasn't. All I could ever say was "I WANT MY LIFE BACK and I want my husband back". I am sure all he wanted to say was "I WANT MY WIFE BACK", yet he never did. He never complained. He found a new better paying job and worked a 2nd job as well. I complained about that too. We never saw him and that was a huge complaint.
I'll just flat out admit that several times in the last 2 years, I didn't think we were gonna make it. I don't exactly know what that even means really, but we weren't going to survive that time in our marriage.....that's all I knew.
Then one Saturday in September 2011, he came home from work, sat in front of me and said "I'm quitting my job". I had no idea what that even meant. Greg isn't a lazy guy. He doesn't just quit a job. He was done with the long hours. He was done with not seeing us and I think more than anything, he was done with not having a good marriage anymore. He said that God was moving him in this direction. At the end of October 2011, he worked his last day punching a time clock. He works for himself now. He does odd jobs and hauls pallets for a living now. He has quite a few places that give him pallets for free and in turn he sells them to places that pay.
I've struggled with this whole situation. I know that my husband doesn't act unless God is speaking to him. So on one hand I KNOW this is God's will for my husband. Yet, I'm seeing how much we're struggling financially and it scares me to the core.
But, I've decided to incline my heart towards the Lord in EVERY situation we face. He has spoken to my spirit about being a GOOD wife once again. I've got to be supportive and meet Greg's needs so that HE can go out and do what the Lord is calling him to do for our family. He CANNOT under any circumstances have a nagging wife at home. He has to have NO stress at home.
The first "good wife" move I've made is getting up just a bit before he does to prepare a hot breakfast. I know this isn't even important to some husbands, but mine loves it. He loves my cooking. The last 2 years I haven't cooked him breakfast more than a handful of times. You see, I let MY hurt over the craziness in our lives get in the way of blessing him. I decided recently that the breakfast routine HAD to start again. Only a few days in and I could see a change in his attitude in the mornings. He's always been a very pleasant man, but sitting down to breakfast with me in the mornings makes him an even more pleasant man.
Guess what? It also changes HIS heart. He gets his breakfast and in turn, he feels more inclined to give me something that is very important to me. He prays with me. Every morning before he leaves, now he prays with me and for me. We weren't doing that during those 2 hard years. My husband isn't an eloquent speaker, but his prayers are deep and meaningful. He feels every word of his prayer and he believes our Abba Father will deliver.
This morning as he kissed me goodbye and said I love you, he also offered a blessing for my day. He told me to put on my praise music and sing while I worked. He offered me that beautiful smile and headed out the door.
Friends, I don't really SEE how the Lord is going to provide for us right now, but this morning I FELT it in my spirit. Things are REALLY hard financially right now. We are both self employed. Greg took a leap of faith in October and quit his job that paid very well. We now make only a fraction of what we used to. Yet, every day he tells me.......it's going to be ok, God is going to give me more work and one day, we're going to have more than enough. Every single day this man tells me....it's going to be ok.
I'm going to do my part. Right now, fixing a hot breakfast every morning is my part in this equation and it's vitally important to our relationship. It's my first step in becoming a good wife again.
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