RESPECT?

Big smack in the head for me today.  I'm trying to reinvent my "parenting style" because the way I was raised just isn't working for me as a parent.  Trying to find my own way these days.  I swear, I must have tried EVERYTHING out there in my almost 23 years of being a mom.

My children sometimes ask me to do things for them and if I don't want to or I'm busy I'll tell them "later".  YET, when I ask them to do things, I sometimes (used to) expect them to do it NOW, no questions, don't make me tell you twice, etc. 

Hmmm, how is that OK? 

I have been pondering this lately and today it really hit home when my daughter asked me to do something for her.  I honestly didn't FEEL like dropping what I was doing and doing what she wanted me to do, but I did.  I felt like wait a minute, this will literally take probably 5 minutes at most.  Why can't you do this for her?  So I did....and I didn't do it begrudgingly, but I did it lovingly because it was important to her.

  I know some people say it's a "respect" thing, but let me tell you friends, respect isn't automatic as far as I'm concerned.  I don't even believe it should be.  I think it should be MUTUAL.   I grew up in a home where respect was DEMANDED, yet my parents were not deserving of respect.  They were NOT kind to me, yet commanded that I respect them simply because they were my parents.  My grandparents were the same way.  My gma used to tell me "respect your elders".  I see a huge problem with this, to be honest.  Children have been abused and used because they were taught to respect their elders without question. 

I refuse to demand respect from my children any longer.  I plan to extend to them the same kind of courtesy and respect that I would like them to give me.  I don't think that makes me less of a parent and I don't believe that it means they are "in control".  It doesn't take away the position I have as mother.  It shows them that I love them and that what they need from me is important.