Hey, I need the I-CU!!

 Christian Unschooling

“This week we want to…”  go celebrate the youngest's birthday on Saturday by going to Build-A-Bear and out to eat as a family.  Fun stuff!


“The kids are…” all gone right now!!  I get a much needed quiet day.  I don't have too much of a desire for these types of days much anymore and I'm so thankful that I have truly learned to love being with the blessings that my Abba gave me.  Before we brought our children home from public school, I always seemed to want more "alone time".  That seems so weird to me!  Well, it's all good now!


“I am learning….” to love myself.  My postings recently have reflected a very broken woman.  I really praise the Lord for all He's done in my life in such a short time.  I am hoping that my future postings will reveal a very healed and WHOLE woman who is loving and serving the Lord with her whole heart, full of gusto!


“I am struggling with…” Uh, I can't think of anything?  Can you believe it?  Wahoo!  Well, hmmm, maybe I'm just a wee bit concerned about something, but that's not a struggle.  Going on our first every vacation as a family very soon and I'm wondering about the money situation.  Hubby says "trust me".  So.....I mean what else can I do?  

“This week is the first time….” in a very long time that I've had some alone time which lasted ALL DAY. LOL  Ok, can you tell I'm a bit excited?  Now remember friends, I've been a mommy for coming up on 22 years (next month, wow!) and I'm a bit overwhelmed and exhausted at times.  My kidlets are older now, so not as dependent upon mom and this is a GOOD thing.  OK, NOTE TO SELF:  STOP feeling like you have to explain everything or justify yourself.  Maybe that's my struggle right now.  ha!  We'll work on that. ;)


“I am grateful…” for friends!!  For healing in the innermost fiber of your being!  For revelation in my life!  To feel loved for really the first time EVER!  Seriously.....I am a super grateful woman today!!

What is the worst thing you ever forgot to do? Might not seem horrible, but years ago, I forgot to pay our electric bill.  It was in the heat of the Summer.  I was at work and got a call from my children that the guy had just been here to shut off the electricity!!  I left work early, paid the bill and called the elec company only to find out they wouldn't send someone out until the next day.  MISERABLE mistake that was cause we were sweltering with no electricity in 100+ heat.  I haven't forgotten to pay that bill since.

Freedom Sweet Freedom~ Part 2

Yesterday was too good of a day to not talk about it.

I was blessed to talk with some amazing people that God strategically placed in my life at JUST the right time.  In fact, a few years ago is when these disciples came into my life, but it took me this long to really allow the walls to come down enough to let them in.

I wish I could relay everything that was said to me, just so that it could help someone else, but right now, I see that this stuff is just meant for ME  and that when it is time, Yahweh will raise me up so that I can share.  I had so much confirmation that I am going in the right direction.

I felt a "release" in my spirit as I was prayed over two different times yesterday.  The last time was HUGE.  I can't even really describe it to you other than I have found myself.  I was told that my healing might come quickly or it might take awhile.  I have found that where I'm concerned, when the Lord does a spiritual healing in my life, He does it pretty much instantaneously.  He knows how I operate and He speaks BIG.  The analogy of an onion and peeling back the layers was used when I was being ministered to yesterday and it was so fitting as my God-grafted mom has said that to me MANY times.  What a confirmation that was, to have come from 2 different people.  Later on in the day, when another friend ministered to my heart, she used the analogy of a tree and it's roots.....something I myself used in the last "talk" I gave as a Lay Director on the Walk to Emmaus in April 2009.   Another confirmation.

Another part of my freedom is declaring some things I previously was too ashamed or too afraid to say.  I am declaring right now......I will STAND even when it's uncomfortable and I am PLANTING myself and I'm NOT moving.  No more running for me.  40 years was enough.

Healing has begun......Freedom Sweet Freedom.  *sigh*

I'm so grateful

I am in awe of the people in my life.....so willing to extend grace and forgiveness even though I absolutely don't deserve it. So many in the last few weeks that I've said, hey, I messed up and I'm sorry, please forgive me. I have yet to receive a single "NO" answer and I am so humbled and grateful.

I'm grateful that they see that I'm just a broken person who has been hurt and didn't really know how to respond. I have a lot more apologies to make.....and it feels good to have the Holy Spirit convict me of that need to ask for forgiveness. Yes, you heard me.....I like being wrong sometimes.

If you are reading this and I have hurt you and maybe I don't even know it....I assure you I am so sorry. I don't like to hurt people. It breaks my heart.

I just want Yahweh to change me into the woman He needs me to be so that HE can be glorified in ALL things.

I am so grateful for do-overs. To those of you who continually love me and extend grace to me....I feel so blessed and humbled beyond words......

Can you believe it’s Wednesday already? Some people call it Hump Day, but for those of us at Christian Unschooling, it’s time for the I-CU

What is I-CU?

Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler– this will be a weekly meme (you post the questions to your blog each Wednesday that you are able, using one of the buttons to link back at Christian Unschooling (click button above), and hop over there and add your site to the linky at the bottom.)

“This week we want to…” get started on cleaning and purging some things in this house. We're going to have a yard sale in a few weeks and we're switching rooms around for the kidlets. Austyn is moving to the garage room and Madilen is finally getting her own bedroom by moving into his room. :)

“The kids are…” the man-child is really transitioning into a man. He is currently working 2 jobs and he is becoming more and more independent, which really bothers me yet excites me all at the same time. The girls aren't doing anything new right now, except constantly talking about vacation.

“I am learning….” that the Holy Spirit is so subtle yet so powerful at times. I woke up feeling so differently about something I previously had been so torn about. It's like I finally have clarity.

“I am struggling with…” my son growing up. He's always been such a mama's boy and not in that 40 yr old who still lives at home creepy mama's boy way either. LOL Just genuinely loves and wants to be around me. NOW he's discovering how fun it is to work and have new friends. He also drives so he wants to be out and about more. I just wanna know where my little boy went. *sigh*

“This week is the first time….” that I have realized how much certain people really care about me. I hope I can make up for lost time.

“I am grateful…” for my AC that works beautifully on these scorching hot days. I am such a wimpy girl and can't handle the heat. I tend to get cranky and cry when I'm hot. LOL

If you could do it all over again, what is one thing you would choose to do differently in regards to homeschooling/unschooling?

I honestly think that I would have done it exactly the same. I've grown so much in the last 5 years. I love the way we've grown together as a family and how we have progressed from being very strict and doing "school at home" to really relaxing and trusting that life learning is such a wonderful thing. I don't want to label us anymore....of course when someone asks, we say we're "homeschoolers" because I trust they wouldn't quite know what I meant by "life learners". :) Ok wait, I take that back.....I would do one thing differently. I would have just TRUSTED that my Abba Father would take care of every detail.

I-CU

It's time for my weekly visit to the I-CU. Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler that is. ;)

This week we want to....
make more concrete plans for our first ever family vacation.


The kids are...
as of right this minute, everyone is still sleeping. The man-child starts his new job this evening. He is a wreck. I'm a little on edge as well, especially after the inquisition I got from the man who interviewed him (regarding HOW we homeschool). I know my son is brilliant, articulate and very well spoken, I just want him to feel comfortable in his new job.


I am learning..
that no matter what I do in life, someone is not going to like me AND that my perception of how many people dislike me is probably a bit exaggerated. I've just always had this idea that everyone dislikes me. If someone doesn't interact with me and they normally do, I automatically think they no longer like me. It's horrible feeling that way.

This week is the first time...
I have wanted to get back on the treadmill. We even put it in storage for awhile because we just didn't have room for it. Today I'm going to try to rearrange the furniture so it can come back home. I plan on walking while I watch my new fave show on Netflix.......Monk!

I am grateful...
Oh so grateful for my husband. I mean, I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this man. He is my everything and without him, I don't think I could breathe. Of course, YES, in reality, I know that I could. I know that life goes on, but we are so connected that he is on my mind 24/7. I think about him while he's away from us and I dream about him. Even in our rough times, I have never stopped loving him and I never will.

The biggest change I'd like to see take place in my family in the remainder of 2011 is...
that we become more intentional in helping others in need. There are some opportunities in our local area and I would really like to get the family out there being the hands and feet of Yeshua.

BLAH!

I'm having too many emotions right now not to blog about it. I find this is certainly the best form of therapy for me. This is a vent post, that's all it is. No sunshine and roses and nothing I'm thankful for. I really need to get this stuff off my chest, so here it goes.

This is going to sound very unlike me, but I'm so disappointed in the garden right now. Very little joy has come this year from this garden and right now I just want it to be done. I am having very little go right in the garden this year and it's just not enjoyable. First my organic heirloom seeds that I purchased and spent a pretty penny on were a huge flop. I wrote the company about it and they seemed surprised. They said their seeds always receive rave reviews. Oh ok, well, I'm not happy. They offered around a 50% refund but I declined. I just didn't even want to deal with it. So I ended up finding organic seeds at our local farm/feed store. Could have saved myself a LOT of trouble if I would have tried there in the first place. Those seeds didn't even do all that well, but ah, whatever, right?

Then we have the grass that grows so beautifully in my garden despite my efforts to thwart it. Wish my grass was that beautiful in my front yard. Not to mention bugs galore in varieties I've never seen before. I honestly think that has to do with the organic veggies though. Conventional seeds have GOT to have something sprayed on them, they must.

Add that to the fact that our pool has been the worst pain in the behind this Summer. The algae has attacked the bottom and I can't remove it. It is STUCK like super glue to the bottom. The water, on the other hand is BEAUTIFUL....clear as glass. But it's gross to see the bottom coated with algae and I really don't want to swim in that. I'm thinking of getting rid of the pool all together. What a chore that would be to take that thing down, not to mention the beautiful deck that is cemented into the ground....*sigh* I guess it's really not something we can take apart, so I have to deal with it. Looks like if we want to swim, we're gonna have to get a new liner AGAIN. Just did that 2 years ago.

The AC repairs were well worth it, but zapped our bank account big time and I have been struggling just to buy groceries the past few weeks. To those reading, don't worry.....the kids are eating just fine, the house payment is current and the utilities are all on. I just said it was a struggle. My kids don't go without. I've had some hint to me that our AC wasn't a priority. I honestly don't give a rat's behind what other people think.

I've also been told that my personality is harsh. I'm still chewing on that. I think this further cements in my mind that all I want to do is move to a place in the country where no one knows where I'm at and where no one has to interact with me. I am not meant to live among others for some reason. I'm damaged goods. For a long time I've tried REALLY hard to fit in and make people like me. I don't know why I bother anymore. Then there's the ones who say they like me, but don't know my innermost feelings/views. I have a feeling I would lose a lot of friends if only they truly knew me, but God knows me and that's all I need to care about.

I think I'm done......I feel like I just threw up. You know how you feel once you do that? Better, yes......but then the next wave of nausea hits. I am so ready to be done feeling this way.

I-CU

It's time again to revisit the ICU (Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler)

“This week we want to…” make a plan to get out of the house more. I feel like lately we're just cooped up and I think we're all going stir crazy.

“The kids are…” excited to go on vacation in August. We have never had a family vacation.......EVER. I'm less excited. I still don't know how we're going to do it financially. We have 3 free tickets to Six Flags so that's the reason we're trying to plan a trip. The rest is up in the air.

“I am learning….” that I really love old movies more than I ever thought I did. I just love the time period of the 1940s through 1960s. I love the chivalry, the clothes and the language (or lack of if you know what I mean). I love that men respected women and women respected men. That time period suits me well. Oh and I love black and white movies. Helps me focus on the story better for some reason.

“I am struggling with…” looking at myself in the mirror. It's not a physical thing, although I don't really like what I see physically. It's really more of what I see beyond the mirror. I've always heard that hurt people hurt people. I never applied that to myself. I think that I've been so blind to the hurts I've caused others. I push people away because I can't bear being hurt even one more time. I don't have it in me. I have an ugly, smart mouth and I'm just tired of being me most days. I wish I knew how to find myself, whoever that really is. I don't like me very much right now.

“This week is the first time….” I have watched "Walk The Line" which is a movie I've wanted to watch for a long time. REALLY eye opening and meaningful to me. I think there are a lot of life lessons to learn from the story of Johnny Cash.

“I am grateful…” that I can call out to my Abba Father and He hears me. I love the messages He teaches me every day. I love that I don't have to be perfect for Him to love me and that He is going to help me recreate myself into a woman that glorifies HIM in everything I do and say.

I'm grateful for His mercies that are new every morning.