My life in pictures- Project 366 Week 1

Sometimes getting on the computer every day is a chore for me.  SO, with that in mind, I've decided to change my Project 366 a bit.  I am going to start posting weekly and include pics from every day during the week.

Here are some things that were meaningful to me this week.

My baby girl

My bigger baby girl

Grossss!  I can't even believe I'm showing my bedroom "BEFORE" pic.  bleck!

Hallelujah!  Here's the "AFTER"!  Now just remove the before pic from your mind.  LOL

Made this at camp one year for my Gma B. 

My decluttered kitchen.  YAY!

My girlies made cookies

Mom and dad kiss is courtesy of the youngest.  Mom is so beautiful was from my honey and the monkey thing....well, that's my attempt at humor. :)

Our oldest boy Max, age 11.  Love him :)  Holly Rose in the background.

Holly girl

I really want to hate this dog, but my look how he sucks me in with his cuteness and those stupid FLOBBY ears!!! ARGGG!

My life in pics this week. Thanks for stopping by!

The Good Wife

I don't think any of us wives set out to be BAD wives, but somewhere along the way it can happen.  We get too comfortable in our marriage or perhaps we genuinely have something tragic happen in our relationship and it happens.....we turn into nagging hags.

Yeah, I don't wanna be her.  Although that does kinda look like me on occasion.  LOL

Ok, so I haven't always been a bad wife.  I haven't always nagged him and been hard to live with.  There was a time in our marriage when I was quite an awesome wife, in fact. But let's move forward from that and talk about when I wasn't a good wife.

The last 2 years have been the most difficult of our 18 years together.  We found ourselves in a dire financial situation and he was out of a job that he'd had for 18 years.  We had no money, a lot of debt and I quite frankly didn't understand any of it.  I started pulling back from everything and every one.  I spent a lot of time crying in my bedroom.  I nagged Greg when he was here and I nagged him via text and phone calls when he wasn't. All I could ever say was "I WANT MY LIFE BACK and I want my husband back".  I am sure all he wanted to say was "I WANT MY WIFE BACK", yet he never did.  He never complained.  He found a new better paying job and worked a 2nd job as well.  I complained about that too.  We never saw him and that was a huge complaint.

I'll just flat out admit that several times in the last 2 years, I didn't think we were gonna make it.  I don't exactly know what that even means really, but we weren't going to survive that time in our marriage.....that's all I knew.

Then one Saturday in September 2011, he came home from work, sat in front of me and said "I'm quitting my job".  I had no idea what that even meant.  Greg isn't a lazy guy.  He doesn't just quit a job.  He was done with the long hours.  He was done with not seeing us and I think more than anything, he was done with not having a good marriage anymore.  He said that God was moving him in this direction.  At the end of October 2011, he worked his last day punching a time clock. He works for himself now.  He does odd jobs and hauls pallets for a living now.  He has quite a few places that give him pallets for free and in turn he sells them to places that pay.

I've struggled with this whole situation.  I know that my husband doesn't act unless God is speaking to him.  So on one hand I KNOW this is God's will for my husband.  Yet, I'm seeing how much we're struggling financially and it scares me to the core.

But, I've decided to incline my heart towards the Lord in EVERY situation we face.  He has spoken to my spirit about being a GOOD wife once again.  I've got to be supportive and meet Greg's needs so that HE can go out and do what the Lord is calling him to do for our family.  He CANNOT under any circumstances have a nagging wife at home.  He has to have NO stress at home.

The first "good wife" move I've made is getting up just a bit before he does to prepare a hot breakfast.  I know this isn't even important to some husbands, but mine loves it.  He loves my cooking.  The last 2 years I haven't cooked him breakfast more than a handful of times.  You see, I let MY hurt over the craziness in our lives get in the way of blessing him.  I decided recently that the breakfast routine HAD to start again.  Only a few days in and I could see a change in his attitude in the mornings.  He's always been a very pleasant man, but sitting down to breakfast with me in the mornings makes him an even more pleasant man.

Guess what?  It also changes HIS heart.  He gets his breakfast and in turn, he feels more inclined to give me something that is very important to me.  He prays with me.  Every morning before he leaves, now he prays with me and for me. We weren't doing that during those 2 hard years.  My husband isn't an eloquent speaker, but his prayers are deep and meaningful.  He feels every word of his prayer and he believes our Abba Father will deliver.

This morning as he kissed me goodbye and said I love you, he also offered a blessing for my day.  He told me to put on my praise music and sing while I worked.  He offered me that beautiful smile and headed out the door.

Friends, I don't really SEE how the Lord is going to provide for us right now, but this morning I FELT it in my spirit.  Things are REALLY hard financially right now.  We are both self employed.  Greg took a leap of faith in October and quit his job that paid very well.  We now make only a fraction of what we used to.  Yet, every day he tells me.......it's going to be ok, God is going to give me more work and one day, we're going to have more than enough. Every single day this man tells me....it's going to be ok.

I'm going to do my part.  Right now, fixing a hot breakfast every morning is my part in this equation and it's vitally important to our relationship.   It's my first step in becoming a good wife again.

New Year's Day 2012

I've been looking back on some blog posts from 2011 and I'm amazed at myself.  In some areas, I've really come a long way.  In other areas, I see that I really didn't move or  change at all.  I'm kind of blah about that, not sure what I can really say other than I'M HUMAN, so sue me.  Ok, no really don't sue me.  I'm quite broke. ;)

I have a desire to be a much better person.  I have a desire to get my priorities back in order and to get out of the sludge I've found myself in for quite some time.

SO, in order to do that, I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and just MOVE.  I'm reminded of one of my old favorite songs by FFH called Lord, Move or Move Me.



I've been stuck in a rut.  Our pastor even talked about that in his message today.  No matter how hard you try, sometimes you're stuck and you can't get out.  That's where I'm going to have to rely on the Lord to move me.  It's going to be uncomfortable at times and I'm going to feel like giving up now and then, I'm sure.  But, I refuse to stay in the same place. 

Sometimes I think we come to a point in our lives where it's do or die.  I'm there.  I'm going to be a better person in 2012.  A better disciple, wife, mom, daughter, friend.  I'm going to be a better Stephanie to myself too, treat myself better and love on myself a little more.

I'm also going to see a huge change in our financial situation this year and I feel that so deeply.  Maybe on December 31, 2012 I will share the full extent of how I know that.  I made the Lord a promise today......and I'll share that here in about 365 days from now. :)

I've had a pretty rough 2 years, but 2012 is going to be different.  I haven't felt that the last two years.  I think I even faked it a time or two and tried to make other people believe that.  This year I believe it.  I'm a Star Trek Next Generation fan, so my next statement will only sound stupid if you don't watch that show.

MAKE IT SO NUMBER 1.

Jan 1, 2012 Project 366 Day 1

Here I go again.  Started this last year and didn't make it all that far.  Had some sort of nervous breakdown, I think.  HA!  Well, at least I can laugh at myself.

This year is going to be different.  I can feel it like I've never felt it before.  I don't typically make "resolutions", but this year I feel like making some changes.  The turn of the calendar always makes me feel like "new".

My first Project 366 picture is old fashioned, pass your friend a note in school type notes! I thought it would be fun to show my kidlets what I used to do in class instead of texting.  This concept is so foreign to them.  Makes me laugh at how old I truly have become.

Oh and in case someone is wondering about Project 366....yeah, next this year is a Leap Year, so we get an extra day ;)

Why I Love to Call Him ABBA

A thought occurred to me just now......I feel like I need to share this.  Don't be afraid to let your children SEE the struggles you have.  I know we often want to shelter and hide our kids from the struggles and problems we have as adults.  Allow them to see the miraculous hand of God upon your life and it will encourage them in their own walk of faith.

The blessing I received last night in that giant box of fabric and the tears that flowed as a result of that, was a HUGE message for my children.  They knew I was praying for some help from the Lord and they SAW how the HE provided what I needed.  Here's what I wrote on Facebook last night so you'll know the back story here:  

Box overflowing with fabric was brought to me tonight. Was given to our church and our Pastor Mike thought of me since I'm doing so much sewing.

Just this morning, I was literally on my face, crying before the Lord.....please help me....

You see, I have a LOT of sewing I can do, but honestly no funds for the fabric.

All I have ever prayed for is WORK. I don't want a hand out. As my girls were digging through it, they pulled out a HUGE bundle of that ever popular zebra print (everyone wants that right now).

Really GOD?!? You answer my prayers and you give me tons of ZEBRA print fabric?

Yeah, I started bawling right then and there. This morning I wasn't so sure God could hear me anymore. He heard me and He gave me zebra print fabric too.

Yeah, I'm in awe of my God. He is Jehovah Jireh, my provider!

These times of trial in my life are times of faith building in my children's lives.  It's a trickle down effect.  All I see from MY struggles is the HUGE faith in the Lord that my children and grandchildren will have. 

I've been so amazed at how God protects my children's hearts from fear.  They've seen the ugly side of life through my pain, yet they aren't afraid of life.  They aren't afraid when things are financially lean for us, because they know we'll never let them do without things that are essential.  They know we'll look to the Lord Almighty, Jehovah Jireh, YAHWEH! They've seen the hand of God far too many times to be afraid.

This is one of the many reasons I love to call Him ABBA.....Daddy.....good Daddies always make sure their children are taken care of.  I love you Abba.

My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife by Sara Horn

I've just finished reading "My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife" by Sara Horn.  GREAT book and totally not what I thought it would be.  Going into this, I thought it was going to be a story of how I could BE that kind of wife, the wife I've always thought I should be.  As it turns out, Sara Horn has as much trouble being perfect as I do.  She juggles a husband, child, work, ministry, household chores and a relationship with the Lord.   Sara also mentions, towards the end, that what she really figured out is that putting God FIRST is what really matters.

Her husband saw her in a different light than she saw herself most of the time and I suspect her son did too.  I know as a wife and mom, I have LOTS of room for improvement, but my family loves me for me.   My husband tells me every single day that I'm beautiful and these are days when I haven't taken a shower or put makeup on.

My husband loves me and never complains even when I decide I'm gonna play games instead of washing dishes.  He doesn't even get angry when I lose a VERY important receipt that he needs (this actually JUST happened right before I typed this out......THANKFULLY, I found it)

My children think I'm the best mom ever even when I don't jump up immediately when they want me for something.

The fact of the matter is.......I CAN do better and I WANT to do better, but I don't have to be perfect.  Heck, I've let down my guard so much that I even allowed a few friends to walk into my living room this week and I hadn't dusted in probably 2 weeks AT LEAST.  Yeah, I had dust.  I think I had some dishes in the sink too.   I have clutter, papers, magazines, etc.  I don't have a showroom house.  But guess what?  I don't think I care anymore.  Thank you Sara Horn for writing a book that shows that women aren't perfect and don't have to be.  Thank you for showing me that I do need to TRY, but I don't have to beat myself up when I fail to perform to my own stupid standards.


I still wanna keep trying to be a better wife and mom, but I'm just going to stop letting that Proverbs 31 wife intimidate me.  After all, I am my own woman, right?

My adventures as a Proverbs 31 wife

Ok, I don't really have to quote the scripture to you, do I?  I think anyone with a head has heard of the Proverbs 31 wife that the Bible talks about.  She's the epitomy of perfection.  Oh yes, every domestic goddess such as myself wants to be her.  Well, ok, maybe I'm the only one.

Seriously, I don't even know why, but I have the deep desire to be this amazing, close to perfect wife and mother.  I want my house to be spotless (or at a minimum not freak out when someone comes by unexpectedly), my husband to worship the ground I walk on (or at least continue to tell me he loves me daily) and my children to rise in the morning and call me blessed (ok well you know...that's just craziness).  Am I just delusional or is this really attainable?

I don't really know, but I have a desire to find out.  I'm pretty sure the Proverbs 31 wife is an example that any wife and mother COULD follow if she really wanted to.  If she didn't want to, then that's ok too.  My heart's desire for a LONG time has been to be that woman.  I have a feeling that as I journey on this path, I'll find out what I look like as a Proverbs 31 wife.  It likely won't look like the Proverbs 31 wife down the street or even you reading this blog post.  It'll be me.  Genuine me! 

This week has been a good start.  I have been up early, fixed coffee for my honey (I hate coffee btw), fixed a hot breakfast, kept the dishes and laundry washed up, cleaned the house, rearranged my kitchen, etc, etc.  Not that I don't normally do these things, but trust me, I've gotten lazy.  I got to where I didn't fix coffee because I really hate the smell of it.  I didn't always wash the dishes right away because well....can't someone else do it?  Oh and on occasion, the Mr has had to say uh, dear, I'm out of clean underwear.  OOPS!  Yeah, I'll get right on that!  The next paragraph will explain a little of why I feel like I need to step it up a notch.

My hubby of 18 years, who is the most stable, hard working man I know, decided to quit his job and work for himself so that he can be with our family more.  His old job had him working crazy hours and shifts, along with 7 day work weeks much of the time.  He gives tirelessly to our family to be a good provider so that I don't have to work outside the home.  The least I can do is make sure he has clean underwear and some hearty meals in his belly.  Well, I can go a lot further too.  You see, I've always thought that a man should help as much around the house as a woman does.  Yeah, well, that doesn't really work for me anymore.  He doesn't expect ME to work for money as much as he does.  Hmmmm.  Food for thought.  Food for MY thought anyway.

He's not a pig by any means.  The man has NEVER left the toilet seat up in our 18 years of marriage.  He picks up his stuff.  He takes out the trash, fixes stuff around the house and ALWAYS tells me how good the food is that I prepare him, even if it's a stupid old sandwich and chips.  He tells me every single day, multiple times a day, that he loves me and how beautiful I am.  But......EXPECT him to wash dishes, clean, do laundry, cook, etc as much as I do?  Like I said.....that's not working for me anymore. 

So....here I go.....new adventure.  Cleaning, cooking, laundry, dishes.....that's all on me now.  Oh wait....good news......I DO have children. LOL

Check back soon.....I plan on making this at least a weekly topic of discussion.