Unrest

I realize my thoughts are controversial and I am learning not to care.  What matters is the Holy Spirit speaks to me and causes me to do some searching.  I really think that is what Yahweh wants from ME.


Easter and the Resurrection bothers me on so many levels.  I am struggling big time this year.  I don't know why this year has been harder than the others.  Maybe I am just becoming so much more aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life and recognizing His voice so much stronger.  


I'm tired of traditions and prescribed responses.  I have never wanted to be a "pot stirrer" but apparently that's what I'm becoming....and fast, might I add.  I think I just feel like I have been awakened from a life long slumber.  I have so much unrest in my heart and my spirit regarding worldly matters.  I feel an overwhelming desire to be Christ to others, but I don't think we have to do what the world does to do that!  


Yeshua (Jesus) ate and talked with sinners, yet he didn't partake of their type of lifestyle.  He was among them and showed them love.  He didn't do what they were doing.  


A HUGE thing in my life, as most know, is drinking......and my desire to totally remove myself from anything that even resembles drinking.  Having 2 alcoholic parents wreaks havoc on your spirit.  It bludgeons you from the inside out.  I have found myself literally sick to my stomach when in the presence of those that are drinking, even casually.  I have been wanting to purge those horrible memories from my heart so that I can minister to the very types of people that have wounded me so deeply.  


My mind is set on becoming SO like Christ that one day HE can take me into a place of ministry in that field.  I know there are men, women and children caught up in the alcoholic lifestyle that can benefit from the grace that Yahweh has extended to ME. I know that there are others who might need to know my story of redemption and healing through the power of the blood of Yeshua.


I am setting my mind on the fact that one day, the Lord may ask me to put myself in a situation where people are drinking so that I can be His hands and feet to others.  This thought scares me.  To some that might seem crazy, but it's my reality.  My stomach is in knots just thinking about it now.  Yet, I know that in order to be Christ to someone else, it might have to happen that way.  Will I partake of alcohol myself in order to reach out?  No, I won't.  There is nothing that could make me ever do that again.  


So my thoughts race back to easter and the Resurrection now.....why do we reach out, in the name of Christ and embrace the world's traditions?  Can we not share His good news without partaking of their traditions?  Do we fear being called judgmental if we do not participate in egg hunts, easter bunny pictures and the like?  Do I fear being called judgmental because I don't go along with these things?  I think I used to......I'm not so sure I fear that anymore.


Romans 12:2 from the New Living Translation sums this up for me so perfectly. 
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.


I truly believe that this is His perfect will for ME...not you that are reading this, but ME.  Where He leads me, I will follow.  What He asks me to do and say, I will be obedient in that task.