Weird home educators

Thinking quite a lot this morning about our way of life.  Have you ever taken a good hard look at where you've been and wondered what was I thinking?  That is how I feel about sending my children to public school.  I didn't know any differently at the time.  That's just what you did.

In the last 5 years that we've been doing this, I have always said "I'm not anti-school" and reflecting on that today, I have to admit that I really AM anti-school.  I think I just said that because well,  it's hard for me to hurt people's feelings and I certainly don't like criticism (who does?).  I have some good friends and family members that are or have previously been school teachers.  I love and adore these people and admire what they do and have done.  So it's hard for me to say I'm against the very thing that is their livelihood and calling in life. This is not an anti-teacher rant, because I believe they are amazing people, I just don't personally believe it works.  School, that is.

School taught me mixed messages.  My 4th grade teacher, Mr. Robert Parker, taught me that I was a free thinker and to write those thoughts down.  He taught me the art of creative writing and I will be forever grateful to him for that.  He instilled in me a love for writing.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love to put my feelings down in type/print.  Mr. Parker gave me the freedom to be me and I enjoyed that.

The mixed messages I got came in other areas.  When the bell rings, you have to stop what you're doing and rush to the next class because that's what "they" think is best.  You MUST do reading, writing, math, history and science all in one day's time.  Who cares if you are busy writing and get lost in thought.  It's time to add 2+2 or even worse, it's time to figure some complicated algebraic equation that you will never again use outside of this building.  Maybe someone would, but not me.  I'm not a math girl in any way, shape or form.  I write, I speak, I don't do math.   Well, I balance a check book.  So addition, subtraction, multiplication and division are good things, but that's as far as I go.  Maybe some fractions in the kitchen when I'm cooking, but seriously that's it.

School taught me to be scared of tests and grades and that I would be rewarded for doing exactly what the teacher told me.  If not, you'd be sent to the principal for discipline.  I honestly can't remember EVER going to the principal's office.  You were not allowed to question anything in school.  You did what you were told, period.  They told you what time to play, what time to eat and if you had to go to the bathroom during class time, it took an act of congress or maybe some wet pants to get you there.  Asking for a "hall pass" was humiliating at times. God forbid we should talk with our "neighbor" in class.

School taught me to conform.  Kind of reminds me of "drinking the koolaid".  We all know that sort of mentality. Gosh I drank the koolaid so many times that I didn't realize there was something more refreshing out there.

School also taught me that I'm not as good as everyone else and that I can't possibly ever think I will be.  I clearly remember someone making fun of the outfit I had on in 5th grade.  It was a homemade pant suit that my grandma had made me and I loved it at the time.  I'm not sure I ever wore it after that day.  What a shame.  My grandma was a very good seamstress.  That obsession with clothing haunted me during my entire time of public education.  I never did have name brand clothing and it was painfully obvious that I wasn't going to fit in because of it.

School taught me that I wasn't pretty enough and I sure wasn't rich enough.  Let's not even talk about how thin I was NOT.

School taught me to be ashamed of who I was.

Fast forward to becoming a mother.  I was throwing my children into the same lion's den I had fought for all of those years.  I knew no better.

My first real experience with a homeschooler was my friend Jenny, whom I met online and am still friends with to this day.  I loved her but thought what she did was a little odd.  Why she wanted to be with her children all day long was beyond me.  What were those kids learning anyway?  Little did I know that the years I would watch Jenny through the computer monitor would prove to be the boost I would need to propel me into this new lifestyle that was soon going to overtake me.

Jenny, THANK YOU for being that "weird" home educating mama who loved me even when I wasn't very supportive of what you were doing.  I hope you truly know what a blessing you have been to me and how much the Lord has used you and your life to encourage me.  I pray that you will forgive my ignorance.

I count it great JOY to know you.

More thoughts on becoming a weird home educator will come in future blogs.....I need to put a pause in these things or I could literally write a book.