I CU

Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler. Much needed this week....

“This week we want to…” get our pool cleaned up once and for all. Crystal clear water but now the dreaded black algae has invaded the liner. I didn't realize what it was until now. If I can't get it out, we'll have to replace the liner AGAIN (did it 2 years ago). *sigh* I'm going drastic here. Have read that you can super dose it with regular chlorine bleach, scrub the heck out of it and see some results......sometimes. I do NOT want the expense of changing that liner. Owning a home is sometimes a royal pain in the behind. First a $1100 AC repair that we couldn't afford and now our one and only source of entertainment is stricken with the PLAGUE? Well at least a liner will only cost me $150. Good grief, I am NOT a money tree!

“The kids are…” playing Sorry with 2 of their friends on our living room floor. This is big for us. We don't normally have kids inside for some reason. I think our dogs being so obnoxious is one reason.

“I am learning….” that people don't like me and that I'm not sure how to deal with that. I have a LOT of people who do like me, but the ones who don't really really cast a shadow over everything.

“I am struggling with…” the fact that my husband doesn't have the same dreams for our life that I do. If I want to be with him (and I do), then I am going to have to abandon my dreams. He is content with how things are right now. I need God to help me be content as well.

“This week is the first time….” I have fully realized that I have never been in control of anything in my life.........and I'm pretty scared about my future.

OOPS...forgot one....

“I am grateful…” for my children who love me unconditionally.

I CU

Ah, another installment of Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler! I need this!!!

This week we want to......get back in that pool! It has taken us a really long time to get it ready. First was the fact that we let it go and didn't get it covered last Winter. Oh, we KNOW better!! Then the pump broke and so it sat another few weeks, which is the perfect opportunity for algae to grow and grow and grow. I swear the algae had algae! Reminds me of the Saturday Night Live skit "Penelope" where she says "my panic attack had a panic attack, it's called a panic anic attack, it's much worse". LOL Ok, only my son will probably even laugh at that, but that's ok. It makes me smile. So, my amazing husband saved us over $100 by fixing the pump himself. He's my hero! Then it took another week to get the blasted pool swimmable! The kids got in today. They tell me it was delightful! I hope to join them tomorrow.

The kids are…AMAZING. Resilient. Loving. My best friends. I'm amazed that they love me so much. They have such gracious hearts.

I am learning…. that I have a real problem with trust. Not only in other people but in God. I just cannot grasp that He's got my back. I think mainly because for so many years, it didn't seem like He even cared. I KNOW He's good, but I often think that He's not all that interested in what I'm feeling or going through.

I am struggling with…the fact that my oldest child isn't all that interested in me anymore. She told me today that she might be moving quite a ways away and will be living with her boyfriend. I haven't even MET said boyfriend. Yet she spends a lot of time with HIS parents. I love her so much. I just wish she wanted to be my friend.

This week is the first time....that I have been this miserable in a long time. Our AC quit working on Saturday evening. I was anticipating a fairly cheap fix. The last time it did this it cost us about $150 if I remember correctly. I called the AC guy thinking oh yeah, that's what it'll be again. Nope, wrong-o. The compressor is locked up and it's going to cost $1,150. *thud* Yeah, I think I just fell over again. The AC guy is coming to fix it tomorrow and this is going to be very rough to fork over. But my husband tells me that it'll be ok. In Oklahoma, I just don't think that AC is an option. I know that many don't have it. I honestly don't know how they do it. I haven't really slept in the last 4 days. I am CRANKY! My dogs seem lethargic....they're ok, but I can tell they are extra hot. I can't imagine having all that hair and being used to the cool house and having that taken away. I know we all would adapt if we HAD to. I have even had a few well meaning people tell me that AC isn't necessary and that we'd be ok without it. Kind of reminds me of how we, as parents, tell our children to eat all of their food because there's starving children in China. Really? Now I get how LAME that is. I am truly sad that there are so many people in the world that don't have these comforts that I have and I'm sorry if that makes me heartless, but I won't apologize for enjoying these comforts we have. I think that leads me into the next one.....

“I am grateful…that I live in the United States of America and that my husband has a good job. I'm grateful that we can have a home with air conditioning and that we aren't starving. I'm grateful that I have friends who love me even when I'm cranky because I'm hot. I'm grateful that my Abba Father loves me even when I don't understand Him or His ways. I'm just grateful to be me right now.

Random Thoughts

I have so many random thoughts on my mind today, so I thought a post was in order.

First is the topic of central air conditioning. Wow! This is something that I miss when it's not working. Ours went out on Saturday night and I've been a grumpy bear ever since. We're waiting on our AC peeps to arrive and I'm just hoping they can fix me up!

Wifely Musings for today- Listen to your husband! Ok, that's primarily for ME, so don't slam me or anything. I have found over the last 18 years that my husband is the calming to my chaos. He's smooth peanut butter and I'm chunky. He's fresh milk and I'm cottage cheese. He's a new road and I'm the one with potholes. Ok, you get my point. Greg smooths out my rough edges and I love him so much for that. In my worry about "I hope they can fix the AC and that it's not too expensive" all he countered with was "it'll be ok". That's what he says to EVERYTHING, I swear! Sometimes it makes me so mad! I don't know why. I mean, if he panicked, I'd be a mess. That's where I know that God knows best. He created us to fit together like that. When I'm in a panic, Greg calms me. When he's too complacent, I light a fire under him. We were meant to be together not only for those reasons but because in so many ways we are very much alike. I believe in "soul mates"....but not those that are reincarnated and keep finding each other, but I believe that God created me for Greg and vice versa. I'm in love after 18 years. If I could give any piece of advice today ladies, it would be this....find a way to stay in love or if you've fallen out of love, find a way to get it back. I watch my grandparents who have been together for 61 years and I am in awe of their love for each other. I always want to feel that way about Greg.

Another random thing is I just want to tell everyone how amazing peppermint essential oil is. We use it for headaches, a fever reducer, pain reliever and it's really great for digestive issues. Those things we don't wanna mention like diarrhea, wow....rub a few drops on your belly and in your navel and voila! Relief! I'm in love with essential oils and peppermint is probably my all time favorite!

Well, that is it for today. Sometimes just have to get rid of these ramblings in my head to make myself feel better.

Coming Out and then Coming HOME

Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son's Journey to God. A Broken Mother's Search for Hope by Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan is the story of a mother and son finding God and coming “home” to him in the midst of some really painful situations. For Christopher, it was homosexuality and drug addiction. For Angela, it was the pain of a near loveless marriage and the agony of Christopher’s revelation. The years that followed Christopher’s coming out would prove to be a true lesson in perseverance for them both. Each chapter rotates between the authors and their story is beautifully intertwined.

As I read the accounts of Christopher’s journey and Angela’s resolve to love her son no matter where he was at in his life, I knew I had fallen short in my own journey as a mother. As a parent, we often say “I would NEVER be ok with that”. That is, until you face it head on. If I took anything from this book, it was that God can forgive our sin, heal our hearts and make our lives new. That’s something I’ve heard all of my life, yet I don’t think I really understood it until hearing this very touching, personal story. Angela and Christopher found God, period. They were his to begin with, but didn’t realize it until they journeyed into the “far country” just like the Prodigal Son portrayed in Luke 15 in the Bible.

Life really isn’t about our sexuality as we define it (homo or hetero), but about HOLY sexuality, living a life that is pleasing to God. Christopher and his story of redemption gave me hope for the hurts in my own life and it also changed the way I look at those who identify with being “gay”. As a Christian mother, it challenged me to truly see my children the way God sees them, which is loved and cherished. It challenged me to see all of God’s children this way.

This book has a section with discussion questions that can be use in a personal or group setting. I would recommend this for anyone looking to find God on a deeper level, even if you haven’t had homosexuality or drugs touch your life in some way personally.

I was given a free copy of this book by Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange for my honest review.

He makes all things new

Even me? Wow, if I truly believe that, then I have some heart work to do here.

I have been overweight for most of my life with the exception of a period of about, oh 2 years or so, which started at the end of my Senior year in high school. My slimness continued until about 6 months after my first child was born.

I have battled the bulge and at times not even cared about the bulge. I have lost lots of weight and gained lots of weight, trying all of the various diets out there.

I'm going to tell you that it's not about the diet. It's about filling a void in my life. I'll get back to that in a minute.

It's not about avoiding a certain food. I don't care what any health expert says. I don't think food is bad. I think we make food bad. I'm bombarded right now with information that sugar is bad for you, don't eat it in any way, shape or form. Period. I've bought into this recently, but the other day I was whoa..um, sugar cane is something that grows naturally, right? I mean, man didn't make it. SO, if I believe God created everything, which I do, then I have to believe that God created sugar. Ok, I will give you this....man has messed it up. We've chemically processed and genetically modified so many things that were originally meant to be consumed in a different way. SO....I'm not going to go out and buy a 5 lb bag of white processed C&H sugar or whatever brand you want to buy. No, I don't think I'm going to consume that. However, if I want something sugary every now and then, I'm no longer going to beat myself up. ha! How's that?

Then there's meats and milk, veggies, etc. I do try to buy and consume the cleanest varieties of those things. I love buying locally grown food. I don't buy meat from the store anymore. Ugh, sorry that's just gross. I buy meat from a local dairy farmer. My husband swears that the hamburgers are the best he's ever tasted. He is the hamburger connoisseur if you must know. LOL My husband is a basic meat and potatoes kind of guy so he would know! I buy raw milk and butter, yep raw...it's good. We've been drinking it for 2 years and no one has gotten sick. So ha, how's that? ;)

Veggies I prefer from my garden or from someone local. I don't like pesticides, don't think they should be used on foods and so I steer clear if I can.

I make my own bread most of the time from freshly ground wheat flour too. Yeah, I think we eat pretty healthful.

So, why the heck am I looking at a fat woman in the mirror? See, I told you it wasn't about the diet. It's about the void....and filling it, over and over and over. People who eat a healthful diet can still be fat. You know why? Because they eat too much! There, I said it. I eat too much. I love the way food tastes and it's fun.

What void am I filling? The one where Yeshua Messiah should be. I've been a Christ follower since I was 10 years old, so 30 years now. I've been thinking a lot about how much I want Him and how much I know He wants me. I think about Him all the time, I adore Him, I worship Him, but yet, the loneliness, the sadness and the despair I often feel is somehow filled up with food more than the living water of Christ. I have a lot of pondering to do on this.

For me, it's really not about the diet, I've got that one going on. No diet, no special exercise equipment, no surgery can fix me and make me slimmer. I've got to fall on my face, daily....and fill my heart with HIM. He and I are on a lifelong journey here. He wants to be my everything and I think I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm ready to let Him be what He wants to be in my life.

Yeshua....I love you......I want my life to glorify you. Not just my words, not just my actions, but the body you've given me. I don't want to feed my body more than I feed my spirit. I give up and I lay that down at your feet. I humbly lay all I am before you. My heart has been yours for the majority of my life. Today I give you my body.

Hallelujah! I think I've just been set free!

Devotions in the Garden

I grew up around gardens. My grandpa had one, my father has had one for a long time and I inherited my love for seeds and plants from them, I suppose. Up until last year, gardens were just a source of food to me. That was until God and I met in the garden.

Most people hate plucking weeds and grass from their garden, while I thoroughly enjoy it. Ok, wait, maybe not THOROUGHLY, but I like it. I get out there and it's like free therapy!

I've had an especially difficult time keeping on top of the weeds and grass this year. Yesterday, we ended up watering the garden for like 6 hours!! Um, can you say OOPS?!? As you can imagine, the ground was super soft today after that massive watering. My husband went out and started plucking grass like it was no big deal. He encouraged me to come help.

So what does this have to do with anything? God very gently spoke to me today.....look how easy it is to pluck the weeds when the ground is saturated with water. Hmmmm, how can I apply that to my life, God? He said, "How about saturating YOUR life with the living water and the Word.....THEN you can start plucking those "weeds" with ease."

It all seems so simple. For weeks now, I've been battling the garden weeds and for years, I've been battling the weeds of life, the sin, the chaos. Sadly, I admit that I haven't always kept myself watered very well and plucking those weeds has been difficult.

And this, my friends, is why I enjoy my time in the garden so much. It's those devotional moments that I look forward to.

Well, that and the harvest.....and I think THAT is another blog post in itself.

I CU

http://christianunschooling.com/

It's time for I CU again! Intensive Care for the Christian Unschooler!! WOOT! WOO!

“This week we want to…” go to "Kid DJ Day" at our favorite Christian radio station The House Fm. It's a little over an hour away, so not a long drive. They have a bunch of fun stuff to do. We went last year and the girls got to talk on the air with the DJ's. It was a blast!

Here we are at last year's Kid DJ Day.

The kids are…” actually in bed and it's 11 pm. That's weird, in a good way. Gosh I love being weird! I'm sure some of you remember me talking about my "weirdness" a few weeks back. Our pastor thinks it's a good thing to be weird....in a God sort of way. I love that!

“I am learning….” how much my husband really loves me. I always have these lingering doubts, even after all of these years. This week he has been really different, not in a weird (bad) way, but in that "you've FINALLY released control over to God and now He can truly help me lead this family" kind of way. Does that make sense? Well, it makes sense in my head at least. :)

“I am struggling with…” my oldest daughter. I want so badly to have an ADULT relationship with her, to meet her boyfriend that she's really serious with but refuses to allow us to meet him. I want to talk and have meaningful conversations with her, but she's still making it seem like I am looking for that mommy/child thing and now that she's an "adult" she doesn't want me to be her "mommy". Guess what? I don't want that either!! I really really really want to move on to the next level here. I am praying about this a lot!

“This week is the first time….” I have had any "alone time" in quite some time and I spent it doing housework, which I thoroughly enjoyed! Go figure! But I'm sitting here in this beautiful, clean home and I feel so PEACEFUL!! Clutter makes me feel chaotic and crazy! I'm so glad I can feel peaceful tonight. :)

And on a side note.....I am going to go watch a few more episodes of Army Wives now. Just started on this show about a month ago on Netflix. Now that I'm addicted and almost through with 4 whole seasons, I'm gonna have a problem until season 5 is on Netflix or DVD cause you can't find the entire season online right now since it's currently airing. Blah!! LOL