Reflection on my week

As you know, I've been working on the 31 Days to Clean Challenge this week.  I feel like I haven't made much progress yet and that bothers me, but I know that my heart is changing greatly, which was my primary objective anyway, so it's all good.

I have decided that I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't get things done exactly as I had planned.  Much of my life I've spent belittling myself for things I did or didn't do and it's really counter productive.  I have a lot of work to do in this area, but one step at a time here.

Today I'm challenged to set a list of priorities and clean my kitchen window treatments and windows.  Today is the ONLY day I don't mind having only one measly little window in my kitchen.  I think that's the one thing I really hate about our house is that we have so few windows.  I've always griped about that.  Here's the tally on windows.  We have a double window in the living room, single kitchen window and each of our bedrooms has one single window, making our grand total.......bum da da dum........FIVE!  HUH?  How can a house have just 5 windows?  We don't live in a tiny cracker box, but seriously this house was not very well planned out.  Our garage was converted to a room before we moved in, but a window wasn't added, which I've always found odd.  I think that room with no window makes the rest of the house so dark too.  That's on our "to do" list is to add a big double window in that room.  Yeah, we'll see if that happens.  Been here 7½ yrs and it's not happened yet, so...I'm not optimistic.

I've been reflecting on Mothers Day this week.  I have a few different angles on this topic.  The mother that gave birth to me, my own journey as a mother, my dear friend whom I called Mama Marcia and the dear friend turned MOM.....well, her name is Mom.  LOL

I have forgiven my mother, but I can't have her in my life anymore.  As I was planning a Mother's Day surprise for my first Mother's Day with my "new" Mom, I had a twinge of guilt that I quickly shooed away.  I think there's something so deeply ingrained in us that we really WANT our mothers to love and adore us that we feel guilty when we shower that daughterly love on someone else.  I care about my mother as a person, but I can't really say that I love her like I used to.  I don't find myself wanting to be with her anymore and I don't have regrets for not having her in my life.  I am her only child though.  I think my life long "guilt trip" was setting in the other day.  Almost as if I could hear her in my head.....you're my ONLY child, how could you treat me like this?  Be gone, guilt trip.  I don't own you anymore.

Then reflecting on me being a mom.....the only words I have really are....I'm in awe of God and His love for us.  I'm in constant reflection of how much I love my kids and even through the bad times, I adore them.  This gives me such an amazing glimpse of how much I am loved by my Abba Father.  He is so good!

Mama Marcia.....She's been gone from my life for a year and nine months, yet her love for me remains strong.  She was such an amazing woman.  I will never forget her and will never stop loving her.

And Mom......first I called her Katy, then as our friendship blossomed, I called her Katy-Ma.  One day not too long ago, the Holy Spirit said to me......Stephanie, this is your mom and it's OK to call her that.  She is not going to hurt you.  Take this gift and soak it in.  See MY love for you through her.

And my heart smiles.  Her words of affirmation and love are beyond my wildest dreams.  Not since my beloved Grandma left this Earth have I heard such sweet life giving words (other than my Mama Marcia) from a mother to her child.

I am blessed....
~to have the love of a man that I love deeply as well.
~to have the opportunity to raise 4 beautiful children
~to be a homemaker
~to be called "daughter"
~to be a child of Yahweh, the King!!

Now to go start up my diffuser with my JOY oil!  I think that might be a blog entry all itself here shortly.  This stuff is magic in a bottle for me!  Ahhhh!