I've been thinking a lot about how selfish I am when it comes to being a wife. I have more than just one blog post that I could write about this topic! I am a sinful human being, who really just wants to be an excellent wife, but how am I going to do that if I allow the world to dictate how my life should look?
If I listen to the world, then I am 100% ALWAYS equal with my husband on EVERYTHING. That means that if I wash a dish, he should wash a dish, or at least have cooked the meal that was ON that dish, right? If he doesn't pick up his socks, well, by gosh, why should I have to do that for him? If he doesn't do something for me, then I'm not doing anything for him because after all this marriage is 50/50 and I'm ONLY giving my 50% because that's what's FAIR.
FAIR.
Really? I don't know who's feeding people this line of bull, but fair? I would seriously welcome anyone who has lived a 100% fair life to comment here. Since when has anything ever been FAIR in the history of the world? Were we even promised fair? I don't think so. From my limited understanding, I feel like fair went out the window the day that Adam and Eve decided to do what the Lord told them NOT to.
I think fair is all how you view it. SO, average wife like me, home with kids, the house and the dogs. He comes home after a very long day and wants to sit or sleep or whatever, but I'm too busy moaning and griping that he might have forgotten to pick up his underwear after his shower and deposit them into the overflowing laundry basket. Oh no, he didn't take his cup to the sink, which by the way is also overflowing. Or maybe you're a absolutely AMAZING homemaker and your house is spotless (mine's not) and your children are fed on time (mine kind of feed themselves at times) and the dogs have never had a flea in their entire lives (yeah, ok you're just getting creepy now LOL)! Well, my hat's off to you lady with no fingerprints on your stainless steel refrigerator (ok, see that's my secret fantasy).
My point is, life isn't fair, but if you're expecting fair, then you will FAIL every single time. I honestly don't WANT fair if I have to go out and exhaust myself like my husband does. If I had to do even HALF (fair) of the physical labor he does to support us, I would probably die of a heart attack. If he had to do even half of what I do at home, he would surely die of CONFUSION!
But when you put the two together, I think it seems more "fair". That is if both parties are doing their part.
So......
I asked my husband last night, "What can I do to be a better wife to you"? *chirp, chirp, chirp* Yeah, that's right, crickets. I swear this man is like a saint or something. I cannot, in 18 years, remember him EVER complaining about something I didn't do. I swear, not lying. He responded (after I eyeballed him for a few minutes) that there was NOTHING I could do to be a better wife? REALLY?! I said "oh, now you're a LIAR"!! LOL (We both laughed)
I had to prod this man for a good 10 minutes before he would actually admit, sheepishly, that he wishes the house were cleaner. I think he was expecting me to hit him or something the way he said it and then kind of retreated. It almost reminded me of a Shrinky Dink......you remember those? The plastic things you color and then put them in the oven and they shrink and harden? ha! He kept saying, it would be nice, but...... NO, buts! But, but, but...I know the kids mess things up. *eye roll* Really? What does he think I'm gonna do? Have a conniption fit or something?
This is how amazing my husband is. Is gone sometimes up to 16 hours a day working and is worried that I'll be upset if he mentions he'd like the house a little cleaner. Wow! I'm thinking I'm probably the most blessed woman I know. He doesn't want me to ever feel like I'm not doing a great job. THAT's where the Holy Spirit chimes in.
I am looking around today and I honestly don't wanna tell you what I see in my home. Before your mind goes wandering, it's NOT filth, it's not living in squalor, but it's pretty darned messy. Today I'm blessing my husband with exactly what he asked for. A cleaner home. My kids call it "someone's coming over" cleaning. I've been convicted by the Holy Spirit to make it "honey's coming home" cleaning.
He is worth it 1000%. It's fair. He's out there right now working one of the two jobs he'll work today and here I am writing a blog post, which he doesn't mind one bit, by the way. I think it's really fair that my husband doesn't lift a finger to help me around the house. I would NOT have it any other way.
Beautiful Stephanie!!! I was just thinking about this today as I was encouraging a young woman who is really struggling in her marriage-- this is one of the places I struggled (I complained a lot though) and one of the things that turned us around was asking him, "What is important to you? What can I do that would make your life easier?" For him it was specifics-- the kitchen clean enough that he can get what he wants and find it when he goes in there, the floor clean enough that he can just walk without stepping on things, and that he have the foods he wants available so he doesn't have have to search. Yeah, I can do that.
ReplyDeleteI think that's really important, Heather, to be sensitive to their needs and stop thinking so much about OUR needs. Not that we're not important too, but I find that the more I do for HIM, the more he just automatically does for me. I find that society really wants women to focus on themselves....all the time. I get a check in my spirit when I'm being so selfish though. I find it a great blessing to bless my husband. I've just been REALLY "lazy" lately. (oops, there's the bad word lol).
ReplyDelete:) I REALLY need to write about this as it has been popping up a lot and I think that not only doe sit line up with husband wife relations but ALSO parent kid relations. I am finding that the more I go out of the way to make my kids happy (not the selfish give them something just to shut them up type but real, hey, we want to work with you and solve this creatively type, the more they want to work with me and help ME solve problems. It is so interesting how when we are really being unselfish others tend to be unselfish with us. :)
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